Let It Go
by Annamonk
Summary: This is the sequel to Let It Snow. Buffy and Spike hit some bumps on the road in this quirky AU.
1. Chapter 1

"I don't give a flying god damned bloody fuck about what bloody buggering day it is, Buffy." Spike's voice echoed from out of the house. "You are bloody well talking to Giles. This is the fifth night you've stayed out hunting 'til bloody damn dawn, come home, and vomited up your bloody breakfast. Don't you dare tell me nothing is bloody wrong."

Willow and Tara traded glances and hurried toward the old Victorian.

"Spike, I'm fine." Buffy snarled. "It's a stomach bug. Do you have to go all cave man on me at every opportunity?"

"Caveman?" A loud crash reverberated down from the upper floor. "Wanting to know my mate is safe makes me a bloody Neanderthal?"

"When you go around beating on our walls and making demands, it does." Buffy sobbed.

"Oh, fuck, Baby. I'm sorry." Spike's voice was thick with emotion.

Willow and Tara opened the door and looked up the stairs to find Spike with Buffy gathered into his arms. Her heart wrenching sobs filled the air.

"Call Giles." Tara touched Willow's arm.

"Looks like we're gonna miss the Valentine's Bash at the Bronze. Sorry, Babe." Willow shrugged and headed toward the kitchen phone.

"We can go dancing with your friends another time." Tara smiled gently. She looked up at the blonde pair at the top of the stairs. Spike and Buffy were odd. They argued amicably most of the time, like it was a game, but it was never real. He insisted that he was evil at least once a day, but he never did anything even slightly bad. She bit her lip and moved up the stairs. "Can I do anything?"

"No, Pet." Spike's blue eyes opened, and she could read his unhappiness easily. "I'm sorry about tonight, know you and Red were planning the big reveal."

"This is more important." Tara nodded to them and smiled gently. "How long has she been getting sick?"

"More than a week. She can't keep anything down." He pulled Buffy's slight form in tighter to his body as she cried.

"You can talk to me, you know." Buffy hic upped. "I'm not deaf. It's the flu."

"Sorry." Tara ducked her head and leaned back from the pair.

"No." Buffy pushed herself out of Spike's arms. "I'm sorry. I can't seem to get a handle on anything lately. If I'm not out slaying like a madwoman, I'm having an emotional breakdown. I've been driving Spike crazy."

"Let's get you some crackers and some water or ginger ale." Tara smiled and extended her hand. "It might help."

"I'll clean up the mess." Spike sighed.

"No." Buffy grabbed his hand with her left hand and Tara's with her right. "We'll do it later. I need you right now."

Willow came to the base of the stairs and looked up at Buffy with worried eyes. Her fingers worried the hem of her shirt. Her green eyes danced from Tara to Buffy and back.

"Giles is on his way." Willow licked her lips.

"No." Buffy drooped. "We were supposed to go out. He's gonna get all worried and serious. I just wanted to go out and be happy."

"You will, Love." Spike picked her up and carried her down the stairs. "I'll take you out on the town, any town you want, once you're better."

"But it won't be Valentine's Day." Buffy sniffled.

Spike pulled her away from the others and headed to the large couch. He sat and let Buffy curl up in his arms. His pale fingers moved gently through her hair.

"Okay, so it won't be a manufactured day of forced celebration. It will be our day. You and me, Kitten. A day so special it could only be ours, I promise." Spike pressed a kiss to her temple and locked eyes with Tara. "Think you could grab that ginger ale and crackers?"

Tara nodded and grabbed Willow's hand, pulling her toward the kitchen.

"Since when does it take two people to get crackers and ginger ale?" Willow raised one eyebrow and leaned in for a quick kiss.

"It doesn't, but I need to go get something at the pharmacy." Tara blushed. "I think it might help."

"I'll just call Xander. He can pick it up." Willow pulled open the refrigerator and grabbed a can of ginger ale.

"No, I need to do this." Tara smiled gently. "You want me to be their friend, so I am doing what a friend would."

"What is so special that Xander can't pick it up?" Willow grinned.

"It doesn't matter. I told you I needed to be the one." Tara stepped back and dropped her eyes to the floor. "Trust me."

"Fine." Willow sighed. "I'll deal with the gruesome twosome by myself."

Tara made a face at the name and ducked out the back door. She sighed and leaned against the clapboards and stared across the large porch. Her heart was pounding. There was a porch swing and two chairs with a small table arranged carefully. The box of wood for whittling stakes was next to her, flush with her ankle.

She took a deep breath and headed along the wraparound porch toward the front. This group of people made a difference in the world. They did good things. If she could help them, even for a little while, she wouldn't be so afraid of the change that was coming. She glanced in the window and watched as Spike kissed Buffy again. There was nothing gruesome about them. The warm glow of their melded auras was beautiful. She swallowed as they shifted, and she caught the subtle changes just beginning to flare around them.

Tara nodded and moved on quickly. They would never believe her, not in a million years. She bit her bottom lip. One way or the other, this was gonna be a very strange night.


	2. Chapter 2

Spike grimaced as he heard Willow and Tara converse in the kitchen. The name calling hurt Buffy and pissed him off, but there was nothing to be done about it. Buffy sobbed against his chest.

"Tell them to go away." Buffy splayed her fingers over his unbeating heart. "I can't take it tonight. I can't."

"I can't, Love." He pulled her chin up with a crooked finger and looked down into her gamine face. "There's something wrong, and they are our best chance of figuring it out. Any other time, they're out. I promise."

"It's just the flu." Buffy stuck her bottom lip out and he groaned. His girl never played fair.

"Don't lie to me. You don't smell ill, sweeter and more alluring, but not a bit sick. It isn't the sodding flu." Spike hugged her tight and growled against her hair. "Something is wrong, and we have to know what we're up against."

"I'm okay." She pushed back from him, smiling as she trailed her fingers through his platinum curls. "I promise. Send them away and we'll celebrate Valentine's in our ridiculously large bed."

"You love the freedom, my sweet, to bend me to your will in any position you can dream up." Spike smirked at her, enjoying the blush that bloomed on her cheeks.

She amazed him. He knew her in every way, had done things that he'd never even imagined with her, and, none of it changed her. She was still sweet and fierce and still his, blushing even as the air around them filled with the scent of her arousal. He closed his eyes and took a deep pull of the air around them. A wicked grin formed on his face.

"Send them packing." She pressed her forehead against his. "Send them off to the Bronze, and I'll tie you up on our big bed and tease you until you beg."

"Tempting, Love, very tempting." Spike ran a finger along the column of her throat. "But you'll just leave me when the urge to hunt overpowers your other desires. You've promised not to go more than once and still I wake up alone."

"I'm sorry." Buffy leaned against his chest, and he stroked his fingers through her hair.

"No worries, Love." Spike kissed her temple. "We just need some answers, and, while I loathe most of your little puppies, they will get to the bottom of this."

"Do you guys ever take break?" Willow shook her head and brought a glass of ginger ale and crackers out to Buffy.

Buffy clenched her fist in his shirt and trembled. The scent of Buffy's rage coiled around them. Spike swallowed and smiled snidely at his beloved girl's friend.

"We don't bother to hide our affection, Red. Sorry if it offends your delicate sensibilities." He sneered. "This is our bloody home. I don't bother you about what you do behind the doors of your lovely room, do I?"

"Xander, Anya and Giles are on their way." Willow glared at him as she passed the drink and crackers on to Buffy. "So, you might want to be respectful of your guests' comfort level."

"Stop it, Willow." Buffy set her glass down on the coffee table. "This isn't about you or them, and it sure isn't about Spike's manners. He takes more shit from the lot of you than I ever expected. If you can't relax and accept us for us, you can leave."

"No need for that, Love." Spike picked the glass up and held it to Buffy's lips. "I'm a big boy. I can handle your friends."

"You think so?" Willow smirked and called up a flame, making it dance across her fingers. "I'm not that girl you kidnapped anymore."

"Willow, what the hell are you doing?" Buffy stood up and placed herself between Spike and the threat. "Get out! If you can't come here and be polite, don't come back."

"I was just kidding, Buffy." Willow closed her fist and the flame died. "I wouldn't hurt Spike. You know that. Come on. It's me."

"And I told you to leave." Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. "This is our home. He is my mate. I'm not going to put up with this shit anymore. I've been patient and Spike has put up with your shit for long enough. Are you going to threaten me too?"

"We had plans." Willow's hands settled on her hips. "But those don't really matter anymore. Do they? Your always canceling. I only ever see you in class."

"Why would you want us to go anywhere with you? Need somebody to judge? Need to know you're better than somebody? News flash, Willow, you dated a demon, too." Buffy snarled and stepped forward, forcing Willow to retreat.

"At least mine was alive. I guess you're just a necrophiliac." Willow snorted. "Is it rigor mortis, or is he just happy to see you?"

"God, you sound just like Xander." Buffy tossed her hands up in the air. "Why can't either of you get it? He's mine. I'm his. Done deal."

"He doesn't have a soul, Buffy." Willow shook her head sadly.

"Yes, he does. He has mine. We share everything in this house. It's our way." Buffy stepped forward again. "Now, it's time for you to go."

"No. I'm not leaving you here with him. He's probably the reason you're sick." Willow leaned over and glared at Spike.

"Now, you're riding the wrong broomstick there, Red." Spike stood and walked over to stand beside Buffy. "She is my heart and my soul. Each beat of that perfect heart thrills me."

"Yeah, Pavlov got a dog to drool at the ring of a bell. No surprise you like the heart beating in her chest. It's just calling you to dinner." Willow smirked.

Buffy took a step forward and wobbled. Spike reached out and caught her as she collapsed. Willow rushed forward.

"Oh, goddess, she really is sick." Willow knelt beside Buffy and looked up at Spike with panicked eyes. "What's wrong with her?"


	3. Chapter 3

Giles looked at Buffy, insensate on bright blue sheets. The silly things were slick to the touch, silk or satin, not in the least bit sensible. He swallowed. His slayer was suffering from some odd malaise, and he had no idea how to help her. He stroked the soft skin of her arm and grimaced.

"She passed out just as I got here?" Giles looked up at Spike. The vampire paced next to the bed.

"Yeah, yeah. Are you half rats?" Spike tossed his hands in the air. "Why do I have to go over it again?"

"I haven't been drinking, and your bloody age is showing." Giles shook his head.

"Well, don't you bloody well take the egg? Being smart mouthed with me while my mate is suffering makes you feel all manly, does it?" Spike snarled and shook his head. "Why am I bloody surprised?"

"Calm down, William." Buffy pushed up onto her elbows and sighed. "I'm okay."

"You are not okay." Spike landed on his knees beside the bed. "You passed out. What if that happened on patrol?"

"You would just come out of whatever shadow you were lurking in, kill the demon, and carry me home." Buffy rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand. "I know you're there, even when you're pissed. You always have my back. I love you."

"As I love you, Slayer." Spike pulled her hand to his face and pressed a kiss to her palm. The agony of his concern was clear for all to see. The snarky, hostile vampire was acting for all the world like a man in love.

Giles felt his lip curl and his shoulders flinch. Vampires were good with illusions. He would never forget that even if his slayer refused to learn the lesson of their past. He watched her stroke Spike's pale cheek and tried to fight the revulsion. Shared soul or no, the relationship was a sickness on it's own, but one he was pledged to support. He had to follow the council on this. He swallowed down his distaste and looked up at his slayer, trying for a watcher's detachment.

He closed his eyes blocking out the sight of his slayer and her lover. It was too much. His girl, his daughter was ill and still reaching for a monster.

"Giles, tell him it's just a cold or something." Buffy huffed out a breath. "Humans get sick."

"I will not be complicit in your self delusion. There's no fever, no discernible illness aside from your stomach upset and dizziness. This is not the flu, and it is not some bad burrito you ate either." Giles sighed. "Supernatural illnesses are not something to trifle with."

"Yes, Dad." Buffy rolled her eyes and shifted on the bed. "I need to patrol soon. You all made this big fuss and I am gonna miss my Bronze time."

"Save the pouting, Buffy." Spike smiled at her. "There's nothing I can do about it in present company."

"Hello." Xander called as he opened the front door. "I can't stay. I promised Anya a nice night. Where is everybody?"

He pounded up the stairs and pushed his way into the room. He stood just inside the door panting. He waved his hand toward the bed and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm a little under the weather, and Spike's gone into some sort of mother hen vamp mode." Buffy touched Spike's arm. "He takes the whole husband thing pretty seriously."

"Do we have to use the H word? Really?" Xander shook his head. "I have to go eat in a few. Guess you won't be hitting the hot spots tonight."

"I'm not sure I'm gonna get to go to the living room again tonight, so that would a big no on anywhere south of the stairs." Buffy grinned. "We need a rain check on that double date."

"That I can give you." Xander winked. "And don't feel the need to cash it in soon or ever."

Buffy stiffened and Giles wanted to cuff the boy's ears. He didn't love the vampire in her life, but he didn't want to see her hurt by her friend's callousness. She deserved better from the boy. He pulled his glasses off and polished the lenses.

"You'd best head off to Anya." Spike slouched against the headboard. "Your demon needs you."

"Don't talk about Anya like that." Xander clenched his fists. "She's human now."

"Poor dear." Spike smirked.

"Knock it off." Willow stamped her foot. "Buffy is sick. Do you get that?"

"So, now, you're the bloody voice of reason, Sparky." Spike rolled his eyes.

"Shut up." Willow narrowed her gaze.

"Kissing a corpse probably made her sick." Xander took a step toward Spike. "I mean aside from the necrophilia."

"God, it's been six weeks." Buffy pushed up off the bed and dragged the back of her hand across her mouth. "I love him. He makes me better. I'm a better friend, a better slayer, a better person. I'm better because of him. Why can't you get that?"

"Calm down, Buffy." Giles put his glasses back on. "We are still adjusting. Give us a chance."

"I'm sick of giving you chances." Buffy's eyes narrowed, and she shook her head. Spike clutched her shoulders and she spun into him, burying her face against his chest. "I told you I didn't want them here."

"I'm not over fond of your little gang, Love, but they mean well enough." Spike wrapped his arms around her. "They love you."

Giles flinched away from Spike's angry eyes. Guilt surged in him. She deserved better from him.

"We'll go downstairs and do some research, Buffy." Giles swallowed. "Try to rest."

"I'm not researching." Xander shook his head. "Anya would kill me if I screw tonight up."

"Fine. Willow and I shall carry on without your researching genius." Giles pushed Willow and Xander out the door. He turned to close the door and watched as a vampire curled protectively around his slayer.


	4. Chapter 4

Tara grabbed the home pregnancy test from the shelf. There were so many options. There were plus signs and lines, but they all worked the same. She pushed her blonde hair back over her shoulder and grabbed another box. This way there would be choices and a second opinion of a sort. She bit her lip and nodded. One blue box and one pink, that should do it.

Tara clutched the tests in her hands and headed down the aisle with her chin tucked against her chest. She took a deep breath and bumped into Mr. Giles' sister. Tara's cheeks flamed, and she tried to hide the tests in her long skirt.

"Why, Dear, there's no need for that." Lorraine smiled. "Though I had rather thought you would be the last young girl buying such things after seeing you with Willow the other day."

"They aren't for me." Tara cheeks flamed brighter.

"Willow? Did that werewolf of hers leave something behind?" Lorraine touched her shoulder gently. "Are you okay?"

"It's not Willow." Tara swallowed. Her stomach churned at the thought of Willow with the wolf. The others had loved him, and she was sure he was wonderful. If he came back her new world would shatter. She took several deep breaths, trying to find her center.

Lorraine wrapped her arms around Tara and stroked her hair. Tara took a deep breath and felt a peace wash over her that had been lost since her mother's death. She leaned her head on the older woman's shoulder and sighed.

"It will be okay. In the end, most things are." Lorraine pulled back and looked Tara square in the eyes. "Love is wonderful in that way. It's always changing, always finding new footholds in your psyche."

"Willow still loves Oz. It makes me nervous." Tara gathered the hem of her shirt in one hand and slid her fingers along it. "I've finally found a place where I might belong with people I like and admire. If he wises up and comes back, what happens to me?"

"You will continue to be my student. I imagine some of your friends will remain yours. They are good people for the most part." Lorraine rubbed her chin. "Like the girl your helping tonight..."

"Buffy is Willow's best friend. It might make it hard for her." Tara stopped speaking and her wide eyes flew up to Lorraine's face. "Oh, no."

"I would have figured it out all on my own, but you shouldn't bother spending your money on these for Buffy, Dear." Lorraine nodded toward the colorful boxes. "Her partner is sterile."

"Are you sure? Did the Council study vampire sperm at some point?" Tara raised a brow and tilted her head.

"That would be ridiculous. Vampires are dead. He is merely an animated corpse." Lorraine shrugged her shoulders. "Amusing and dashing though he may be."

"So, you're buying the party line." Tara moved toward check out again. "You seemed more open minded than the others."

Tara heard Lorraine trailing behind her, but she didn't acknowledge her. How would they all react to her secrets if they wouldn't respect Spike's new attitude or person. He might be the most outwardly annoying guy around, but he loved Buffy and respected her friends in his own way. He was always teasing Xander, tolerating Willow, conversing with the Giles family, and loving Buffy. Tara sighed and waited at the end of the check out line. Spike made her feel truly comfortable in the short time she had known him. He called her and Anya friends, and she was going to live up to it. She was just demon enough. Maybe.

The line moved quickly, and Tara rolled her shoulders, ignoring Lorraine. The older woman was the most open minded of the Giles family, but her opinions had still passed through the Council's forge. Buffy was something of a rebel. She worked with demons, had a few friends, and went to school. Buffy was building a future, and the Council dogma said she didn't have one. Tara swallowed.

"Pregnant slayers rarely live long enough to deliver. It's why Spike, for all his faults, is good for her." Lorraine whispered. "He simply can't complicate her life with silly human longings, and, ignoring my brother's suspicions, he could give her an extra year or two. I want that for her."

"You said she'd be practically invincible. Willow told me." Tara's stomach lurched, and her senses flared out searching for a grounding point in her panic.

"She is still the one girl in all the world. That comes with a steep price." Lorraine looked down as they reached the counter.

Tara paid for the tests and stumbled toward the door. Buffy didn't deserve this. Why would a gracious God or Goddess do this to her? Tara bit the inside of her cheek. There had to be a way to make this right. There had to be something she could do. She narrowed her gaze as she took the bag from the clerk. Her feet traveled from the store on autopilot. Determination flared inside her. She was a witch and she could rise above the curse of her blood. She nodded as Lorraine joined her on the dark sidewalk. She clutched the bag to her abdomen. Buffy would have more than a few years.

"The price is too high, Lorraine. How can you just accept it?" Tara turned and looked her mentor in the eye.

"I don't. I want Buffy to outlive us all, but realities must be faced. Rupert will shatter when she dies. We will all mourn, but another girl will be called." Lorraine sighed. "It is a harsh reality, but we must face it, my dear."

"Face your harsh realities." Tara waved her hand, creating distance between them. "I'm gonna go watch a miracle come to light."


	5. Chapter 5

"Not the way I wanted this night to go." Spike stroked Buffy's hair back from her face and pressed a kiss to her temple. "Trying for normal doesn't work for us."

"Normal?" Buffy looked up at him through her gold tipped lashes.

"Valentine's date with your chums and dancing, home for some slap and tickle. Seemed simple enough, but everything went arse over kettle." Spike sighed and squeezed her shoulder gently.

"I'm sorry, Baby." Buffy rubbed the side of her face against his chest. "As soon as I feel better, I will make it up to you."

"Just feel better, Love." Spike sucked in a deep breath. "Can't abide you being sick. It doesn't sit well with me."

"I'm human. Despite all the chosen one special features, I am human." Buffy stroked his side.

"With all the frailties and fascinations." Spike swallowed. "I need something to fight, some way to fix this. I'm half crazed."

"You're always half crazed." Buffy chuckled.

"I've pulled the wool over your eyes if you're implying I might be half sane. Just how sick are you?" He smiled as she giggled.

"Too sick to roll in the hay with you." Buffy stuck her lower lip out and pouted.

"There's hay? Where the hell is there hay?" Spike quirked his lips. "We live in the bloody city, no farms or livestock for miles and my lady wants hay instead of silk."

A soft knock at the door put an end to their silly conversation. Buffy audibly swallowed, and Spike slid from the bed to stand beside her. He took another deep unneeded breath and squeezed Buffy's hand gently.

"Whatever it is, it will be fine." He looked into her eyes. "You are the only thing that matters to me in this whole bloody world, and I will keep you safe."

"Illness isn't something you can fight for me." Buffy stroked his cheek and turned toward the door. "Come in."

Tara opened the door and stepped into the room. She looked at the floor, her dark blonde hair falling in a curtain around her face. The plastic bag clutched in her hand shook.

"I think I know what's wrong with you, not that it is really wrong." Tara shrugged one shoulder. "The symptoms fit. I mean I'm not sure how it's possible, but I'm pretty sure. Would you come into the bathroom with me, Buffy?"

"Sure, Tara, but you know he can hear anything we say in there, right?" Buffy grinned as Spike shifted to help her up. "I can get up all by myself, Spike."

"Let me do for you." Spike pulled her in for a hug. "I can't seem to do much else."

"You'll always do it for me, Baby." Buffy grinned and walked toward the bathroom with Tara.

"You need to try this." Tara closed the door and held out the bag toward Buffy. "I'm betting that's the answer."

"It couldn't be." Buffy shook her head.

"I understand your logic, but what if..." Tara watched Buffy's face intently, and Buffy wondered what it revealed.

"Fine. I'll do it." Buffy grabbed one of the boxes and opened it, glaring at the white plastic wand in the box. "This is really gross."

"Sorry, I've never needed one." Tara blushed. "Can't imagine I ever will."

"Check on Spike for me. The others pushed him hard tonight. I wish they would just accept us." Buffy sighed.

"I'll go keep Spike busy." Tara blushed. "Maybe the others will get it in time. I'll try talking to Willow. It might help."

Tara slid out of the bathroom and found Spike stripping the bed. He clenched the dirty pillow cases in his fist. She smiled. It was so odd to think of this vampire doing something so domestic.

"I used to take are of Dru. She let me do it all." Spike sighed. "Never said thank you, but she let me do it. Buffy just does it all for herself. If I make dinner, she praises me. If I make the bed, she kisses me, and we usually wind up making the sheets so dirty they need to be changed again. She loves me. I love her. Most of the time it's easy, but not now. I need to do for her. I need to protect her, but Buffy won't let me."

"Being the chosen one probably makes independence a kind of instinct." Tara shrugged and helped him pull the old sheets free from the bed. "You know she loves you. Try talking to her."

"Verbal communication isn't our greatest strength." Spike chuckled.

"You train for battle, train for this." Tara smiled. "Talk to her about the small things and work up to the bigger issues."

"You make it sound so simple, Pet." Spike shook his head.

"It is, if you let it be." Tara tossed the dirty sheets in the hamper while Spike spread the fitted sheet across the mattress. "After all, you're both in love."

"Well, she's a bloody miracle. Not hard to love her, not hard at all." Spike grinned and shook out the flat sheet, sending in billowing in cerulean waves across the bed.

"Spike." Buffy stepped into the room. "I'm not a bloody miracle, Baby, but I think we have one coming our way."

Spike turned and stared at Buffy quirking a brow in question.

"I don't know how you did it, but there is a bun in my oven." Buffy grinned and held up the two tests. "See."

Spike rushed across the room and stared into her eyes. His hands fisted at his sides, he took several deep breaths. Buffy cupped his cheek with her free hand.

"You can touch me." Buffy smiled. "I'm pretty sure I won't break."

Spike pressed one trembling hand under her belly button. His eyes were wide and tears slicked down his face. Neither of them moved for a long time. Tara slipped from the room unnoticed.

"Do you want this, Love?" Spike bit the inside of his cheek. "Are you sure?"

"I want this so much. I thought this dream was dead after taking down Nest. I couldn't do this with anyone else. You and I can keep this one safe. I promise I'll let you help me everyday."

"I, god, Buffy. This isn't supposed to happen. I'm dead." Spike looked down at his splayed fingers. "I'm going to be a father."

Buffy nodded, and he pulled her into his arms. His lips feathered along her hairline. They swayed together, dancing to their own music.


End file.
